The Journey

Ashe News, Personal , , ,

I have been trying to write this for two weeks now. I’m sure part of it is finally starting rehab on my shoulder. My daily schedule has shifted a lot since we moved. My blood sugar’s been bad, with my A1C having gone up a few points since my last visit. But here I am, finally making the words. Because I wanted to talk about where I’m going with writing right now. It’s a journey. I guess this is part of my process right now, so, why not share with y’all.

I’ve made it clear that I’ve been struggling since finishing By Demons Be Driven. Squeezed a few words out here and there last year, but always falling away again. Prepped two different books to write in ’21 and ’22 only to lose the drive again. I don’t lack ideas, at least. God, I’ve got a whole document full of ideas. Thought of a new one last night as I was falling asleep. I’ve currently got concepts for another 5 or 6 Grimluk books, the cyberpunk sword and sorcery book (trilogy? I think?), and the Stargate He-Man John Carter series. The latter two, if you’ve forgotten, would be set in Grimluk’s universe, with the former staying on Arkod, and the latter taking off for sword and planet adventures. Orcs at the forefront of both. I’ve also considered going ahead and doing Grimluk 5 like I’d originally planned before starting something new. I’ve got a big chunk of that book fleshed out in my head already and have for a long time now.

I’ve also been chewing on the idea of trying my hand at Romance. Whether an old idea or a new one, I don’t know. I’ve considered writing a romance series for Grimluk’s parents, Bakhor and Urgroz. Or maybe Emerald and Yara from Demons Within. And if I ever re-write “From Tusk ’til Dawn”, the orc lead and elf saloon girl could fit as very Buffy-style “urban” fantasy, helped along by the fact that I fully plan on bringing those two back for a Grimluk-fights-gender-swapped-Dracula book down the line (I told you I’ve got a lot of ideas for him).

And hell, I could easily finish some of the worldbuilding for the Battle of the Bands campaign and use that for a book setting too! I am absolutely fucking swimming in ideas and concepts for new books, even comics if I could find an artist who wanted to work together and get something rolling.

No, that is definitely not the problem, my friends. The problem is everything feels pointless to write. Frivolous, even. The old world is dying, straining with all its might to maintain power, one last gasp of hideous life to snuff out the new world before it can be born. We’re living in a system that demands blood, milk, and honey from a handful of gravel. The great irony being NOW needs stories most especially. So here I sit, struggling with executive dysfunction in one hand, and some unholy combination of ennui, existential overload, guilt, shame, and frustration in the other. It is incredibly difficult to pick a direction to go creatively when I feel so disconnected from life. Feeling pretty connected to myself thanks to a really good therapist and we’re starting to work on this, too.

I don’t know. I just thought maybe I’d share where I am. What I’m doing. Where I’m going. I hope life’s treating you well. May your struggles be few right now.

It’s April. Do you know where your Ashe is?

Ashe News, Personal

I’m still alive, I guess. February through March was taken over by a move to a new, bug-free apartment. And now we also have a washer and dryer, which is very nice. We’re still getting things situated. We need new bookcases and storage. It’s been a process.I’ve been feeling sparks to get back into the writing groove again. But I’ve also been recovering a lot from the move and possibly a post-covid flare up. My brain’s been all kinds of depressed this week in a variety of ways. Oh and I almost got into a wreck yesterday.

I’m slowly figuring things out. I may be switching one of my medications soon to something that is supposed to help with ADHD symptoms. I really hope it does. I would like to be able to figure out a daily schedule and get back to working. Got a doctor visit in a couple of weeks to suss that out at.

Admittedly, the drive to create is competing with the drive to fist fight capitalism itself. I should talk about this in therapy.
I hope you’re all doing well. Tell someone you love them today.

A Post-Covid Status Report

Ashe News, Personal, Writing ,

I’m copying this from Patreon because it pretty well covers everything I need to say for my writing career as a whole right now.

For those who don’t know, I caught Covid at the end of September, likely at a concert I went to. I WAS wearing a mask but I was also dealing with some medication issues that meant I HAD to try to hydrate while at the show. Unfortunately, my Pull-Down-Mask-And-Hold-Breath-While-Drinking game is not amazing so I ended up getting hit. While the physical symptoms weren’t awful, feeling like a pretty typical chest cold, it did scramble my brains and hit me with fatigue. And while the fatigue is finally passing, my breathing has stayed a bit rough. That, too, is starting to wane, so hopefully I will have no physical issues with Long Covid.

My mental health, on the other hand, is in the garbage. I’m a bit better than I was the first week of October, but the depression hit hard and has only slightly let up. And I fucking mean slightly. Which also means I’m doing some self-evaluations right now and I’ve come to a sad conclusion.

I don’t have any more words in me right now. I worked on By Demons Be Driven for roughly three years, start to release, and I’ve gotten some preproduction done on some projects but every time I squeeze out some more words, right now, that’s it. I was thrilled when I spent part of a Saturday a few months ago starting a Mr. Freeze fanfic idea I’ve had for close to a decade, but I haven’t touched it since. I was thrilled when I got Episode 1 of To Hehk With This written and (somewhat) edited for y’all, but there has been only few bits of character ideas done since then. The thought of trying to write another short story, much less a whole ass book, is repulsive. I think I managed to suck all the joy out of writing for the foreseeable future.

So what does this mean for Patreon?

It means we live in a capitalist hellscape and I at least need a consistent $80 bucks a month to cover car insurance and I have nothing to give back for your patronage right now. I know quite a few of you are friends just happy to support me but that’s not all of you. So if you want to cancel your pledge until I’m creating again, I understand and will not blame you one bit. The most I can offer right now is chronicling my health journey. This year has been a year of changes and setbacks and obstacles for me in a variety of ways. I’ve spent the past week struggling with even making this post because of the sheer guilt and shame I’m feeling.

Maybe I’ll end up trying to do other artistic endeavors and I can share those, but for right now, I’m spent. I’m barely getting chores done. I’m happy maybe getting back in the gym next week will do me some good, but considering I’ve struggled all year to make new words, I think it’s safe to say I’m actually truly burnt the fuck out.

I’m thankful everyone’s been pretty patient with me this year but I need to actually focus on myself for a while instead of kind of doing that while going “any day now I’ll write something again” and squeezing stuff out like the remnants of a tube of toothpaste.

Love y’all. See ya when I see ya.

News

Ashe News , , ,

Been a while. Have some news.

I thought maybe I’d announce this finally. I recently went looking through my story ideas file and saw one that creeps into my mind every so often. I got to thinkin about it again and decided it would make a great project for Patreon. So here’s what’s I’m gonna do…

Starting in September, I’ll be starting a new episodic story. A reverse portal fantasy about an orc from Arkod’s (that’s the name of Grimluk’s home planet in case you forgot) past gets sucked into modern day America. This will be a slice of life kind of thing. Going from flash fiction to short story length. Very rare on the action. I want to get writing again but my book projects seem too big still. And since I have been too quiet this year, this should be a win-win for my patrons. So far, the folks I’ve talked to about the idea really like it. I hope that continues. I just want something a bit softer and easier right now. And this will be a Patreon exclusive, too.

I don’t know if I’ll do much in the way of new D&D homebrew for the foreseeable future either. I may eventually do some more Battle of the Bands stuff but considering how precarious scheduling is for my gaming group right now, I’m not sure when or if my first foray into DMing is going to happen. But, ya know, worst case, I make it into its own book. Maybe do a kickstarter for it. Who knows.

I also had an ADHD eval on Monday and, for the third time, was told that while I have symptoms, it’s all depression, anxiety, and trauma. So I’m going to be trying a higher dosage of the drug I take as a sleep aid, since it’s actually an early psych med. Supposedly the bigger dose will help me sleep even more than the baby dose, which I desperately want right now. Here’s hoping things improve. The past few weeks have felt particularly bad for me being able to get stuff done.

So that’s where I’m at right now. Still trying to get my bodily and mental health taken care of. Gonna work on this new project for the time being. And yes, there will be a new book eventually. Who knows, if the increased medication works, my production schedule could actually become an actual, stable schedule. I’ve got The Once and Future Slayer ready to start and the Crimson Warrior (or whatever I end up calling it) is also ready to go. Grimluk 5 is like half-formed in my head already, I just need to actually set up an outline, do all the preproduction stuff I do.

And to reiterate, the new slice of life stories? Patreon exclusives, which you can keep up with for just $1 a month. Link in the sidebar.

Hope you’re doing well. I hope your summer treated you well, and if it didn’t, I hope the fall treats you better. Be safe, be kind, be excellent.

Life

Ashe News, Personal ,

I have not put any updates here in a while. To be fair, I’ve had few updates to give to anyone anywhere. The past six months have been…a time. Sales (and reviews) for By Demons Be Driven have been sparse. I’ve got two new books ready to start, each with a new protagonist, but I have yet to do so. Patreon content has been very low.

Burn out is the name of the game right now. I’m just burnt out. Two years of pandemic life, combined with its effects on my writing career, and a bunch of health stuff (for me and my partner) have me feeling empty. Add to that all the news that keeps flooding our eyeballs, and yeah. I even took a twitter break last weekend, I felt so bad. Then there was a shooting here in Tulsa.

I’m just not getting to live enough life right now for a variety of reasons. Covid is surging again so the summer is going to be bad for that. I still wear my mask when I go out. I’m sure we’ll all need to get another booster too.

So that’s where I’m currently at. Struggling to create anything right now and feeling ashamed of it. Struggling to take care of myself and ashamed of it. I’m trying but I hit a level of empty I’ve not felt in a very, very long time. As I told everyone on Patreon, I’m trying to get better. Please be patient with me. Which is not a thing I would say anyone needs to say but the grip of capitalism runs deep.

Hope you’re doing well. Take care of yourselves.

A whole mess of news!

Ashe grimluk, News, Promotion , ,

First things first, you’re gonna want to come and join me on reddit for the By Demons Be Driven cover reveal! I’m so excited to finally get to share this cover! It’s up for pre-order on Amazon now.

On top of THAT, I’ve also permanently lowered the price of the ebook of A Demon in the Desert to 99 cents AND, with Amazon rolling out hardcovers, I’ve added hardcover editions to the first three books. There will be a hardcover for By Demons Be Driven as well, available along with the paperback on October 1st! I’m still waiting on Demon Haunted to finish its review as there was an error with the spine text but that should be done some time today.

I’ve also updated books 1 and 2 somewhat. I cleaned up a bit of formatting in A Demon in the Desert that I had missed, to try and at least nudge it towards my current standards without just rewriting it, and I updated the cover font and back art. I updated Demon Haunted to have the elder sign POV separators like in Demons Within (and soon, By Demons) as well as the front cover font. Mostly this is a “branding” thing as the Kirsty font used in the title of Demons Within was one I really liked and looks good in a variety of sizes. Now everything matches.

I’m also planning on doing some sort of shop thing for bookmarks and stickers and whatnot once my partner and I find a house and get moved. That will probably be a next year thing but it’s in the works after I figured out I just need to buy a crafting printer to print my own bookmarks.

That’s all the news for now!

By Demons Be Driven Kickstarter Redux

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I tried this a year ago and then COVID-19 dropped on our heads. So here we are a year later, trying again. Goal’s a little higher this time because I’m going with a different artist. I hope you’ll join me and back the project! Join me over on Twitch today, too! And on March 30th, I have my first OFFICIAL Reddit AMA on r/Fantasy!

You can check out the campaign here!

Blog her? I hardly knew her!

Ashe News, Orctober, Personal , ,

It’s been a while since I’ve done an actual blog post. If you’ve signed up for my newsletter, you’re already up to date but for everyone else, I’ll try to go through the highlights from the year so far and my plans for Orctober.

The By Demons Be Driven Kickstarter did not meet its goal because I launched it and then COVID descended upon us.

I finally got a new PC built and started streaming on Twitch over the summer. I’m halfway to my Follower goal to start working towards becoming an Affiliate. You should give me a follow. I’m streaming on Tuesdays at 5pm central right now.

I restarted my newsletter because a friend pestered me into it. I decided to try to make it positive on top of Ashe news and share cool stuff.

I kept slowly pecking away at the third draft of By Demons Be Driven because working this year has been fucking hard. I got it done though. I’ll be starting the fourth in the near future.

I posted a Grimluk short story over on Patreon. “Big Iron”, his first assignment as a full hunter, inspired by the song. You can read it for a buck, along with the current project: The Battle of the Bands. I recently decided I wanted to try my hand at DMing, thus beginning the process of building a heavy metal fantasy world. Thus far, I’ve posted a few Lore facts and a lot of the setting, including a very basic map shape. I’m pretty excited about what I’m building.

I have no plans for Orctober this year but I DID just drop a box set for all three Grimluk books in one handy package for a measly $9.99 at your preferred outlet.

I have FINALLY done a sleep study and gotten a sleep apnea diagnosis. I actually started using my CPAP two nights ago. My head doesn’t hurt nearly as much this morning and I felt alert faster. I look forward to seeing what this does for me long term.

I also started playing guitar again recently. I made a deal with my partner that if I practice at least three times a week, they’ll buy me an attenuator for Christmas. That’s a little device that will let me use my very powerful amp at apartment levels.

I think that’s everything. I will be relaunching the Kickstarter for By Demons Be Driven in March once more and HOPEFULLY I can get funded this time.

And I apologize for the lack of Orctober shenanigans this year but given the hell year, and the lack of any ideas (or new books), I didn’t really have anything I could pull out. Hopefully next year will have a book release!

So that’s been my 2020 so far. Been some other personal stuff that’s happened but mostly it’s been that. That’s it for now!